A Sad October Morning

This blog takes precedence to the one I was planning on a much happier note, "Joyful Simplicities for October," but because of a tragic turn of events that I wished had never happened, the death of my beloved cat Kenya, October 23, 2010, this blog takes priority.

Just saying her name makes tears well up in my eyes, and a lump in my throat. Those of you who have lost their dear pets know the feelings I am describing.

Kenya, the love of my life, after 16 1/2 years of mutual love, loyalty and affection was dying from kidney failure. How could that be? She was always strong, active, playful, didn't look her age. Naively, I thought she could go on for at least another 5 years or more, and then die peacefuly, at home, in her sleep. Instead, in the last few weeks she quickly took a rapid turn for the worse. The last few days before she died, her unchanging beautiful face began to look weak and drawn. Despite her frail weakness she still would respond to my call, looking up with her big beautiful green almond shaped eyes, she managed to respond with her sweet trying to please cry, even getting up on wobbly weak legs to show her unfailing loyalty in wanting to please me. What should I do? Maybe it's an infection, or a bad tooth that can be easily fixed, I must take her to the Vet. But what if it is something worse? They may suggest to put her to sleep. What should I do? I felt so helpless, I couldn't save her. I had to decide. Should I let her die at home? Or must I make the dreaded decision to have her put to death? Those of you who have been through this, you remember that feeling, don't you? "It is the right thing to do, merciful, otherwise she will die a painful death", the Dr. said. "She will feel no pain. We will give her a sedative that puts her in a peaceful sleep, and then inject her with a drug that will stop her heart". "No hope Dr?" I asked. "No, I am sorry", he said, his eyes welling up with tears. "I know how you feel, I had to put my dog, my best friend to sleep just a few months ago and he was ony 10 years old. I would have done anything to extend his life another 3 years, but I was only thinking of myself not him. I did the right thing for him by relieving his suffering."

So, with a pain so deep in my heart, and stomach we conceded. I hugged Kenya, kissed her, and told her I loved her. She was then sedated. I could not be present for the final blow of stopping her heart. I left the room. A few minutes later the Dr. came out with my Kenya in a box. We took her home, and my dear husband buried her in the back yard, her final resting place.

In our lesson at the Kingdom Hall Sunday during the Watchtower study, one of the paragraphs spoke about a sister who was experiencing deep sadness due to past experiences in her life before she came into the truth. She said what helps her to get the strength to endure, is the genuine friends and spiritual family that now brings her happiness, and also she tries to focus on what Jehovah promises for the future. Replacing cries of sadness, with cries of joy.

Her comments are so true. In my distress Jehovah helped me by sending my dear family, friends and spiritual family to my aid. They felt my pain and gave me loving support. Thank you so much my dear friend Sandy (Sparrow). You truly are a loving, loyal friend, and I love you for that. Tom (Old Crow), and Mickey (Old Crow's wife), thank you too for being a good friend, showing love, understanding, and kindness. I love you for that. Also, Beth. What a sweet loving sister for wanting to come and give me loving moral support. I love you for that. That's what familly and friends are for. Infact, I was pleasantly surprised to receive from many of the brothers and sisters at the kingdom hall, sincere heartfelt sadness for what may seem to some a small loss. Thank you all. Your love and support was a great comfort and help. I love you all for that.

And most of all we love and thank Jehovah, our greatest friend and suppport, because really, as the scripture in Psalms 72:17-19 says "Blessed be Jehovah God, Israel's God who alone is doing wonderful works."

It is so strange coming home to my house now. Kenya would many times greet me when coming into the house. Her joyful, purring cry, as if to say "I'm happy you are home." No longer do I see her sitting on the window sill looking out the picture window in our living room, or sleeping in her favorite chair in the living room or on the bed in the computer room. No more does she come to sit next to us on the piano bench when we would play the piano. She seemed to appreciate music. No other cat we had has ever done that.

Ophilia too feels the loss of her big sister Kenya. After all she and Kenya have been together for at least 11 years. Whenever Kenya would be outside, Ophilia would cry at the side door to tell us, "let Kenya in," and as soon as we did Ophilia would rub up against her with a joyful cry. There were times they would be huddled together on the bed or couch, and at times they would have a spat, like most family members, but never held a grudge.

It was so sad to see Ophilia at the side door Saturday night, sitting, looking at the door crying, as if to say, "where is Kenya, let her in." Sorry Ophilia, Kenya is not coming in anymore.

Kenya's beautiful face and unique personality is etched in my mind, and heart. I won't forget her. I know as we get back into the busy routine of life, my thoughts of her will become less and less - but I willl never forget her. Something will happen that will jolt my memory of her and I will have tears well up, and pain for a moment again. But my love for her will never be for a moment but always.

Thank you for patiently letting me pour out my heart in this blog. It's not meant to depress, but helps me express my love for my Kenya and try to cope with this painful, unavoidable, part of life we all have in common. Everyone handles stress and grief differently. For me, talking and writing about it helps me cope getting the pain out of my heart, and mind. Also it can draw the love and friendship of my family and friends even closer. One dear brother kindly reminded me of the beautiful promise from God found at Isaiah 65:17-19....."the former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart." What a wonderful hope Jehovah has provided.

I am hoping to get my original blog planned for October in before this month ends. If not, it will have to wait until November. Until then.....

This is Raven-as the crow flies